Love Letters by Sue Whitting Draft 2
Draft Two Comments... have YOUR say!
Love Letters by Sue Whitting Draft 1
Draft One Producers Development Notes for the author
“Love Letters” showcases a delightful concept but we feel the execution of this needs ironing out a little;
1. The script leads nicely up to the reveal but how do the mechanics of getting there play out?
a. Firstly, have these two met before? Does she come for eye tests all the time? Or is February 14th a regular appointment for her to make? If they’ve not met, essentially it’s two people in a dark room with the man declaring his undying love – that could be quite creepy.
b. Secondly, especially if Alice’s visit is a known quantity, Thomas will have a “special board” only for this woman. We’re not sure that they have met before, so when she reads the letters we don’t know what her reaction is going to be. There is no intimation of a history between the two.
2. If Alice returns for habitual appointments, she could go “off piste” and start spelling out words that don’t appear on the chart. You could reverse roles – the woman could be the optician, the man the customer – depending on if it’s more likely that a man would take a chance and say via this mode that he likes her?
3. SR: If Alice is empowered in this way, it’s a valid question as whether she already wears glasses or not? Does she purposely don Coke-bottle lenses in order to be tested often? Is her taking them off or putting them on part of the script’s theme of “seeing”, in a new way or for the first time?
4. Whatever you decide to do, we felt there was more fun to be had with this story. Start it when Alice comes into the optician to give as much range and texture to their interaction as we can. A full 2/8s of a page is taken up before Alice enters the shop..
5. As read, the kiss doesn’t quite work –it feels too “they fall into each others arms”. Instead, would an “x” on the board work as a kiss? Or saying/spelling “kiss” instead of “x”? How can you use the angle of the concept to get more out of the story?
6. With our 50 scripts now finalised, we’re looking to be sure that they are as differentiated from each other as possible. If you can, please read and follow the development of “Nothing
Ventured” – facets of this and your stories are quite similar, so we’re keen to they are differentiated as much as can be.
Have your say, what do you think?
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#1
Love letters - good,
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#2
Love letters - liked this one,
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#3
Bit too clever for me - the love lettering.
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#4
The concept was original and well-executed. I found the characters believable and the general tone appropriately warm. I feel that the ending is not quite there yet. The last scene felt superfluous. Ending it in the store right after their moment of connection would be more appropriate, but I'm not quite sure what that emotional exclamation point should be.
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#5
Really liked this - sweet and lovely - the setting is just perfect as there is surprising amount of intimacy during eye exams (having had crushes on two previous opticians... :-)). Congratulations!
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#6
liked this, unusual setting for a romance but yes those intimate moments are certainly enhanced if you fancy your optician!
nice set up and clever way of revealing his feelings, ending reminded me of "notting hill" though when hugh grant shouts at his customer to go away so that was a little disappointing.
loved the way his glasses get knocked askew though, maybe it should end there with him trying to straighten them and then surrendering to the kiss instead. -
#7
Qwirky and cute. Thomas is someone you quickly empathise with. I really like this one.
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#8
50 Kisses is sharp ... to hear the word 'swoon' puts it right up there. I agree, it's Nottinghill - Cut!
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#9
Lovely - delicate and charming.
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#10
Very nice. I agree with the comments above.
Loved the name Thomas Rose for an optician. Of course we won't know her name... Maybe her new specs are in an envelope with her name on? -
#11
Very nice idea & scipt but ending "ALICE and THOMAS lock up and hurry away arm in arm down the road" is not needed. Better to end with lights off.
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#12
Well Done Sue
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#13
Hi
Lovely script. An original take on the theme. Really rooted for Thomas.
Minor point...what age is Alice? You've specified Thomas's.
Yes. You don't need the EXT. scene at the end. As someone has already said - lights out.
All the best.
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#14
Loved it but I agree with the other comments, the ending needs rework or even removed.
Well done -
#15
AW W VE RYCU TE SCR IP T.
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#16
Liked it. End with lights off - don't need the other character. And lights off ext shot, indicates things going to another level.
Write a comment
SueWhitting (Sunday, 09 June 2013 20:11)
Thanks for all your comments - noted re ending - have a look at the film.