The Great Kiss Heist by Nathanael Bauer Draft 3
Draft Three Comments... have YOUR say!
The Great Kiss Heist by Nathanael Bauer Draft 2
The Great Kiss Heist by Nathanael Bauer Draft 1
Draft One Producers Development Notes for the author
1. We really liked this script. Thought it was well executed but with a couple of tweeks, you could get more “Macgyver” moments in there for your young protagonist.
2. Take out some of the specifics - It doesn’t need to be 1974. A filmmaker would struggle to create a convincing seventies world on a budget. Also, take Fantastic Mr Fox out and just state book
– it might become a copyright issue.
3. Consider taking out the scene with the mother at the beginning – it loses a cast member that the director needs to find and gets you more space to create another moment…
4. …so create another couple of moments, Payoff the promise of the premise – make it “heisty”. Net, Block, plus two other (real but unusual) things at least.
Have your say, what do you think?
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#1
I didnt make the short list, but i really enjoyed reading this. So cute!!! Great script.
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#2
Very sweet one. Maybe it's a language barrier, (i'm not a native speaker,) however i didn't understand why the story is set in 1974. It's already sort of a big production with all the kids being involved, making it a period makes it harder. Is it possible to make it happen in present? 2012?
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#3
I've only read nine at this point but this is my favourite by far. There were, of course, other great pieces amongst the other eight but this script condenses so much narrative into those two pages - more than I've seen in any other script, certainly more with substance anyway - and it is pulled off marvellously. Above all, it is a remarkably sweet little story! There are contenders in my mind for sweetest or most adorable, but I reckon this piece pinches those praises too. Very well done, Nathanael. Wonderful writing.
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#4
I guess you could shoot it in the present, it would be the same story just a different aesthetic.
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#5
Very cute, a well executed take on the heist movie style film.
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#6
Very Cute Story. One of my favorites.
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#7
Hi Nathaniel,
I enjoyed this. Great title too. Nice ending. My only thought would be to echo the point about the setting. I think if people can do it, then it would be great as it would give a nice extra depth to the finished film, but I wonder whether having 1974 would put people off wanting to make it?
Maybe an alternative would be to set it any time from 1950 to 1990 and then let the filmmakers choose? I don't see much to tie it to 74, apart from Mr Fox. Could throw up some fun ones!
Anyway, really enjoyable, well done. Please feel free to leave comments on mine, Practice makes Perfect.
Cheers,
Mark -
#8
Maybe it has to be 1974, aren't teachers not allowed to kiss children these days? Not without being accused of something.
Don't think anybody will bother to set it in 1974 anyway. If they do no one will notice.
Just wondering if this is set on a true story about yourself from 1974. If so let the filmmakers know, if its improtant to you.
I don't know if, with health and safe these days, they will be able to get the effect you want? A 6 year old climbing out a window. Of coures in 1974 they could have!!!
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#9
A lovely story - a real crowdpleaser. It lives or dies on the performance of the lead kid playing James, and logistically it is a bit more difficult getting access to a school building, or set dressing a building to look like school classrooms - but if you can pull it off, it will make a memorable film.
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#10
Once it all came started coming together I couldn't help but smile. This is a really cute piece, congratulations.
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#11
loved the title! slight confusion at the beginning, if he is adventurous why is he holding his mums hand and what is going on between them? i think lose this beginning, have him happily running off to the line when the teacher arrives - or how about his mum goes to give him a kiss and he runs off beaming to his teacher and misses it?
i think you probably do need to set this this in the past, there is no way teachers dole out kisses these days in reality they cannot even apply a plaster if it involves removing a piece of clothing. -
#12
Lovely nostalgia feel to this one (a little autobiographical inspiration?). Put me in mind of a teacher I had a crush on at school.
I like the period feel to it - and I think the challenge is enticing rather than off-putting.
Lovely! -
#13
Great idea.
The only thing...working in education...I don't know of teachers who would kiss their pupils. They could all just be lining up to shake hands with her.
Perhaps the pupils could be making valentine's cards and James kisses his card, which he plans on leaving for the teacher on his second trip. Or, he kisses her hand when she shakes it again, the second time.
The beginning doesn't make sense to me entirely. It seems to me that James should be 'champing at the bit', intent on getting to his teacher before the doors are opened, which is the reason, with tugging and pulling at her hand, his mother isn't pleased.
Otherwise, with the right actor, James should really win us over. -
#14
just an idea to throw into the mix Nathanael, it seems to be the lining up and kissing the children might be a problem so how about the teacher doing a hand and face inspection before lunch or hometime (i recall these from primary school) James could have a smudge on his face, she bends down to clean it and whammo he kisses her, she blushes and laughs - then he goes on his escapade and on re-entering he grabs a paintbrush to smear up his face again. maybe ?
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#15
I enjoyed this script. Very cute story. Definitely has to be a period piece. Heaven forbid a teacher dares to hug a child these days. Congratulations on making it to 50 Kisses.
Write a comment
Nathanael Bauer (Wednesday, 26 September 2012 22:18)
Hi everyone, thank you all for your positive feedback - Please check out the second draft with some suggested amendments!
Nathanael Bauer (Friday, 12 October 2012 17:15)
I totally understand that if it is in a modern setting, people may find the kiss uncomfortable.
One suggestion could be, that Mrs Mathis is handing out 'kisses' sweets in the shape of lips etc. to the class at the end and that the boys whole mission was to get two sets of sweets at the end of the day.
You could start the scene at the beginning, with a jar of sweets on the teachers desk that maybe he see's and gets to work on his plan?
If that doesn't work you could use stickers or valentines cards, something that involves the theme of a kiss that is not necessarily a single kiss.