'A Kiss Goodbye' by Under Your Hat Productions

First Edit

South East based collective film team assembled by director Baz Hodson with DOP Matt Grover. Shot on location in South Croydon using Canon 7D, f2.8 24 - 70 lens and dedolight kit. Actors: Elizabeth Croft and Stephen Harakis

Read 'A Kiss Goodbye' HERE

First cut: Producers notes for the filmmakers

  • Drop the mixes from the head, they undermine the confidence in the story
  • Trim, it’s WAY too long
  • Music is too dominating and mixed to high - keep if for when you need it to get BIG!
  • Work on your sound, allow it get softer in places.

First Cut Comments... have YOUR say!

Write a comment

Comments: 10
  • #1

    Michael W. Penny (Tuesday, 06 November 2012 16:56)

    Fantastic film. Obviously too long for the 2min format, but I honestly don't even know what you could cut to get it down to 2-3 minutes, it played really well at 7 mins and the pace was strong... I suppose if anything the first minute where she's walking the streets and he's working could be shaved a bit, but at the same time I see how you're setting up the characters and tone of the whole film, and saving only a single minute won't help much...

    I found the foley level on a few specific areas too hot (specifically when she's stuffing the envelope and her typing on the keyboard). It felt just a little too pronounced in a couple areas, but I'm on a laptop so it's possible it's just my speakers and not your mix. Just throwing that out there to consider.

    Overall excellent film. Well made!

  • #2

    Stephen Cooper (Tuesday, 06 November 2012 20:12)

    Feels way to long at the moment. You've got some strong performances and the setting works well but needs to be seriously cut down. Don't think you need the beginning. You could maybe start on when he's tied up with a quick flashback to the wine or ignore the wine altogether. The main story is her rage, should work on a cut that fully explores that.

  • #3

    Andy Robinson (Tuesday, 06 November 2012 22:03)

    Powerful drama - really tense! Any shortening in running time could be done through trimming some of the man's reaction shots, and the exchanges in the office. I'm a bit squeamish - do we need to see the scissors at the end? - we know what the woman has just done. Overall, a strong entry.

  • #4

    Baz - Director (Wednesday, 07 November 2012 02:57)

    Great comments, keep them coming.

    Michael WP- reassuring to hear, as we felt the premise of the script play out was always going to be difficult in 2 min.

    Stephen C - agree it's the intro that can be cut, but as MWP mentions it's the setting up and how much can be saved without detriment.

    AR - intersesting about squemishness - glad you got what was intimated. The original script had the Taratino style shredding of his bits! As much as I admire QT, often it's the not showing to leave for the eye of the beholder.

    Darker music score is being worked upon.

  • #5

    Erica Vogel (Thursday, 08 November 2012 16:16)

    Nice work! I actually hid my eyes at the end of this one. You definitely got the tension across. Agree that the music is a bit dominant. Maybe just lowering it in places would help?

    I'm sure you're already working on cutting the beginning some. I'm actually with AR about maybe just cutting it after she says her line about him wanting something else and coming at him threateningly. But then you'd lose the thing that makes people like me want to hide under the chair :)

  • #6

    Michael Bierman (Monday, 12 November 2012 09:10)

    Well made. Way too long. You can cut out the first 1.5 minutes, and cut most of the shots MUCH shorter. You could save some time using voice over as the action occurs. The music is too loud, but it works well for the piece.

  • #7

    Mark (Monday, 26 November 2012 14:42)

    Very powerful film that gets better towards the end. The problem is the music especially at the beginning when your basicly telling me something bad is going to happen then you show me something bad is happening. You need to let us discover this from what the actors do then use the music to help build tension where its needed. At the moment the music is telling me to much in advance and too repititious detracting from a very powerful performance from the actors.

  • #8

    Chris (Saturday, 01 December 2012 19:48)

    This has some really EXCELLENT parts. The performances are brilliant, believable, powerful, and the whole last third - from "oh you want me to take down a letter for you?" is extremely gripping - I got completely lost in it.

    However, it might be of use to tell you about my experience of watching this film. After pressing play I watched for about 15 seconds before getting bored and wanting to switch off. By chance I skipped through to about half way - she was already writing the letter - and couldn't take my eyes of it. You totally grabbed my emotions and forced me to watch the last half... the climax is visceral and frightening and wonderful. After this first viewing I watched the whole thing through again to see what I'd missed because the last half was so good.

    I would strongly suggest cutting the intro - her approaching the office - down to two or three shots. Then cut straight to her entrance. Tighten the bit with the flowers (one shot would do it to see her replacing the note) then get to the letter as soon as possible.

    Music did it for me - nice choice.

    Really excellent work in the making - I hope you can make those choices and get selected because the best bits in this film are by far some of the strongest I've seen in this whole competition.

  • #9

    Baz - Director (Saturday, 29 December 2012 02:17)

    Many thanks for all the kind and constructive comments. Unfortunately due to other commitments the re-edit will not occur until the New Year.

  • #10

    Baz - Director (Saturday, 26 January 2013 02:22)

    25 seconds shaved in a re-edit to tighten all round, with particular reference to top end.

    Re-score on music track with a darker twisted end.