'Beryl' by Capital City

(London, UK) Second Edit

Team Capital City hail from London and was put together by producers Elisar Cabrera and Dominik Mytko.  Director is Deepak Verma who is mostly known for his acting and writing is a big fan of classic comedy and brought this feeling to his interpretation of Beryl by screenwriter Sarah Page.  DoP is Will Green who filmed the short on a Canon 5D MkII. This short marks the first time that most of the cast and crew worked together.  Editor is Jason Rayment who previously worked with Elisar Cabrera on the short film Sweetheart.

Read 'Beryl' HERE

Second Cut Comments... have YOUR say!

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Comments: 1
  • #1

    Frank May (Sunday, 07 February 2016 13:19)

    I must be getting slower, (my old age :-) The dialogue a little unclear at the end but I did get the message what was going on. Well done.

'Beryl' by Capital City

(London, UK) First Edit

First cut: Producers notes for the filmmakers

  • The beginning is over complicated and could be reduced.
  • The music is too dominating and forces the film into ‘farce’ comedy instead of character comedy.
  • We suggest removing most or all of the music.
  • We suggest cutting the head off the film too, so it begins as the new nurse arrives – that way we don’t know that she is fooling with him – it will work better at the end if we don’t know that she hasn’t really lost her mind, this is old ladies behaving badly.
  • We suggest reducing the kiss and changing / removing the music, again it forces the drama into farce comedy and not human comedy.
  • The strength of the story is two old women behaving naughtily.
  • Give it a go.

First Cut Comments... have YOUR say!

Write a comment

Comments: 14
  • #1

    Adolf El Assal (Sunday, 04 November 2012 16:07)

    haha loved it! make the intro a bit tighter and work on your sound and grading. get rid of the shot from underneath, it steals the tension.

  • #2

    David Chavez (Sunday, 04 November 2012 17:38)

    Very entertaining. Great job! Casting was well done.

  • #3

    Michael P. Spencer (Monday, 05 November 2012 02:55)

    pretty much agree with all of the points above. Great casting and well acted. Just needs to be reworked a little and it will be really good.

  • #4

    Brett Snelgrove (Tuesday, 06 November 2012 16:11)

    Very cute little film. What's not to love about a couple of old ladies up to mischief. I don't mind the farce element, if that is what the filmmakers intended but I can equally see that with a re-edit it could be edited to be more a character comedy and walk the line between comedy and pathos, which I have to admit would be interesting to see as I think all the material is there to achieve that.

  • #5

    Emily McDonald (Tuesday, 06 November 2012 16:27)

    Loved this!! Definitely make me chuckle. Well written and very well produced. The kiss scene and music in particular has slight resemblance to Benny Hill comedy days. Great work.

  • #6

    Stephen Cooper (Tuesday, 06 November 2012 16:57)

    I didn't mind the set-up at the beginning but the music does take away from the performances and make the joke to obvious. Feel if you put all the attention onto the characters then it will be strong enough. Good film though, enjoyed it.

  • #7

    Shaun Bond (Tuesday, 06 November 2012 17:25)

    I agree with the Producer's notes, although I must admit I liked the music choice but it does need to be quietened down a little. I think with a few small tweaks this could be a great little film.

  • #8

    Roger B Stillz (Tuesday, 06 November 2012 23:14)

    Love the acting they were great. Intro could be cut tighter. Agree with Adolf-get rid of the low angle shot. I thought it was a cute film and the producers notes will make it even better.

  • #9

    capitalcity (Wednesday, 07 November 2012 15:11)

    Thanks for the comments. We did actually have two cuts and debated which to submit - the other cut actually had the exact shorter intro as suggested in the notes above.

  • #10

    Claire Yeowart (Thursday, 08 November 2012 20:21)

    Brilliant - I laughed so much. Fab acting from the ladies. I think first 30 seconds could be cut. Well done

  • #11

    Nathan Gower (Sunday, 11 November 2012 18:54)

    Fantastic acting here really boosts this version! The quirky gimmicky music and fast-forward dancing kiss could go -- but don't lose Beryl squeezing his backside -- that really words.

  • #12

    Andromeda Godfrey (Monday, 12 November 2012 16:42)

    Loved this! Great acting from all three actors. The sound was good. Maybe a little over the top in the kissing but agree the butt squeeze is brilliant. Really made me giggle.

  • #13

    Simon (Thursday, 15 November 2012 13:56)

    This is an interesting exercise for me, watching different films of the smae script and I happened to watch this one last. Loved that Beryl really went for the kiss and a grope, but for me the music really did not work at all, and detracted from the overeall film. Also I listened to this on headphones and it sounds that the setting is in a bird avary with some very non uk birds! At the start you can see that there is a setup (Beryl pretenting to be asleep) which kind of ruins the reveal at the end - also I didn't spot this in the other versions but I noticed it in this one - if the other lady (non Beryl) is in on it - why does she have the line "I thought your husband's name was...." she would know that already and it's just to let the audience know - so maybe try it without the line and just the high 5 - it's probably impossible to do now I know but it would be great if Beryl could go "your turn next time!" Maybe it was the pacing that made it obvious here rather than in the other two.

  • #14

    Barry Aldridge (Sunday, 18 November 2012 10:14)

    Loved the idea of it. I agree the music was a bit loud but I felt it was only a small distraction.

    The comedy was great in this between the characters.