'Her and Him' by Tropical

First Edit

Read 'Her and Him' HERE

First cut: Producers notes for the filmmakers

  • Grading issues which you know about as you have attempted to fix - we like the faded look though
  • Music is a problem as we know there would be live music in the world of this scene, and yet you give us underscore music – it really needs to be the live music, which means what you have does not work. Try a different track and mix to make it sound live
  • Have sub titles on screen longer, they are too short to read
  • End is abrupt

First Cut Comments... have YOUR say!

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Comments: 4
  • #1

    Stephen Cooper (Wednesday, 07 November 2012 23:01)

    Would suggest turning the music down a bit, feels very loud at the beginning (hopefully thats not just my computer as several of the new uploads have felt loud this evening).

    Maybe do a bit of work on the colour as well. Feels a bit grey in places, which doesn't really suit the story.

  • #2

    Michael W. Penny (Thursday, 08 November 2012 00:53)

    I liked this. The guy in the cow suit was funny!

    The colour was a little weird to me as well. Perhaps you were going for that ethereal look, but if so it may have been too jarring in a few shots.

    My biggest note is that on the last few "5 seconds earlier" title cards, you play out like 30 seconds of action (when the guys talk, when the girls talk, and when cupid talks). I'd say time how long each sequence is and literally write that into each cue card. If it's 3 seconds, or 21 seconds, or whatever, it could be funnier to be exactly timed. But saying "5 seconds earlier" when I plainly see it's taking 15 seconds for the action to catch up to the previous scene pulled me out of the film. It's a tiny complaint with an easy fix on a rather well made film overall. Nicely done!

  • #3

    chris m (Thursday, 08 November 2012 06:47)

    As the writer of this piece, wanted to say great job! Really made me laugh. Well cast and directed. Very good shot selections. Loved the choice of the cow costume.

    Agree with Penny above, I'd change the times to match what you shot, so it feels authentic - don't worry about what's in the script for those times. That suggestion may have been in the script's discussion thread as well.

    Another thought, if you have time to edit.

    Regarding the 'text on screen'. It might be cool to freeze the action, then have the text appear on screen without the black slate, then a little flash or light up as the transition.

    Or, cut to a shot of a clock, which has a hand that rewinds, between each scene.

    Just a couple of other ways to visualize the 'time rewind'. The slate works, just throwing it out there as an idea.

    In any case, really loved the work. boa sorte!

  • #4

    Rocko Paolo (Friday, 09 November 2012 15:05)

    Loved this! I wasn't too keen on the faded color of it but other than that, great entry. Entertaining!