'Last Chance' by Mirror Image
(Liverpool, UK) Second Edit
Directed by Shaun Bond and filmed in Liverpool UK, using a Canon 550D and the talents of a small, passionate team. Featuring Jordan Hale and Sarah Keating.
Read 'Last Chance' HERE
Secoind Cut Comments... have YOUR say!
'Last Chance' by Mirror Image
(Liverpool, UK) First Edit
First cut: Producers notes for the filmmakers
- Music mixed a tad high
- Trim where possible, for instance 1:35 – every second counts
- Work on atmos and foley too, will bring it to life
- The moment at the door when he gets tongue tied lets the performance of the rest of the film down – try trimming, re-ordering – it might even work better if he is almost unable to speak.
First Cut Comments... have YOUR say!
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#1
Like the performances and the look. has a nice vibe about it but is a bit to long at the moment. There are plenty of shots that you could shave a second or 2 off (i.e. him walking to the front of her house, him walking up the garden path etc.) that will improve the pace and feel of the film. Some of the comedy feels lost in the lengh of the shots and that will help that. Charming film though, look forard to seeing a potential re-edit that just tightens everything up.
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#2
Really cute and funny especially the line, im not well endowed. enjoyed it.
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#3
Your acting is almost as good as when you promised meI oudn't miss my flight home. And here I am now working in Linekers Bar, Tenerife. I guess the joke is on you Mr.Lover Lover
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#4
Jordan Hale is like a young Colin Farrell, he actually pulls girls that easy in real life too. Great short film and put together perfectly. 9 out 10 from me Jack Dempsey
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#5
well done a great performance. i too enjoyed the 'well endowed' part and i loved the facial expressions jordan pulled. we would have been a great team.
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#6
Very charming film. Like Stephen said needs some shaving. I had a bit of trouble hearing the monologue and think the music needs to be lowered or vocal raised at the start.
Would've liked more in the ambiance to separate the street and office scenes, possibly a little heightened to create contrast. I think that abrupt change would add to the humor.
I also feel like it'd be interesting to start with him at the door hesitating, having the rest occur in flashback until we get caught up to the door, periodically revisiting him at the door with his finger almost at the bell. Just another humorous element to consider playing with.
Well done. -
#7
Thanks for the feedback guys, I appreciate it. I've taken all suggestions on board and have been thinking hard about how I can go about acting upon them.
The additional edit time has afforded me the chance to learn more about colour correction with my chosen editing software, and so you can expect the next edit to look better at the least.
Cheers! -
#8
My fav. of the three versions of this script.
The humour comes across very well - The male actor has really got to grips with the character and potrays humour and insecurity well. I love (what I imagine to be) the improvisations such as when he practises what he's going to say to the tree! Great directing! Or great actor! Or both.
The way it has been put together has clearly had a lot of though and hard work put into it. The music, the edits and the cuts make for a very entertaining short.
I would however, make some scene a little but shorter - mainly the one where he is walking up the path to her door.
But really well done! Looking forward to seeing your next submission. -
#9
Hi there,
I am the actor who plays Martin in this short! I just wanted to start by saying thank you to Ann for her lovely comments.
But special praise has to go to the Director Shaun Bond for this short. From the very beginning he had a vision and was very clear with what he wanted from me! He was very easy to work with and I hope to do so again in the future.
It was a pleasure to be apart of this film! -
#10
Thanks Jordan, I appreciate the praise (your cheque's in the mail)!
Also, thanks Ann for your comments. I understand what both you and Stephen are saying about the shot where he walks up the garden path being too long, it was my intention to slow the story down a little here to emphasise that despite the humour Martin is very serious about Sheila - but clearly it is too noticeable if it's jumping out to everyone and so chances are that scene will go altogether.
I would really appreciate further feedback on the scene mentioned in the Producer's Notes - where Martin becomes tongue tied at Sheila's door. I am in two minds as to how to reapproach this and would love to hear some more thoughts on it if anyone is happy to share... -
#11
Thanks Shaun, let's hope this cheque doesn't bounce as far as the last one...
;)
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#12
Hi Shaun, from a viewer's perspective I don't think that the line "if you're endowed" really works. I appreciate that is in the script but personally I would chop it out completely as it doesn't really come across as believable. I get that Martin is nervous and his words are coming out muddled based on him over-thinking the scenario beforehand but I think if you just had "I was just wondering... so... how's your cat?" it might work better.
Just my thoughts. I'm not a film maker though. -
#13
Sorry Shaun, I also meant to add I really enjoyed the film though. I liked the jump cuts at the beginning, and the way that Martin stops to talk to the tree... also the delivery of the line "what if she's not alone" comes across well. I think that the 10 seconds from 1.35 where Martin is walking alongside the fence without any sound should be cut though, and that scene should start with the monologue at the gatepost. I liked the link to the writing of the card in the office after this scene, as well as the chemistry shown in the exchanged glances in the earlier office scene.
From reading the script I can see that you have changed the dialogue in the ending and I think that this works well to show that Sheila actually knows Martin a lot better than he thinks she does.
Well done, really enjoyed your interpretation. -
#14
Thanks for the feedback and compliments, Helen. Very much appreciated. I'm definitely looking to cut up both the shot where he walks along the fence and the shot where he walks up the garden path to help keep a smooth flow to it all. The more I watch it the more that section jumps out to me now it's been pointed out.
As for the tongue tied scene at the door, thanks for the suggestion and pin pointing why it doesn't work for you. I'll have a play around with that scene and hopefully get a second edit up in time for further feedback with good time to go before the deadline.
Write a comment
Ann (Monday, 26 November 2012 12:29)
Much improved edit. It's very nice to see that you've taken into account what the producers and your peers have noticed.
The first thing that struck me in your second edit was the colours. Very rich, warm colours that suit the tone of the short well. I like that this version of the script has a lot of warmth and depth to it rather than simply being about the comical moments.
The pace is much quicker having lost that scene where he walks to the front door. And the scene at the door - although I really liked the 'endowed' joke - is more realistic.
Well done and good luck!
Stuart Thompson (Monday, 26 November 2012 12:29)
Short but very sweet
Cayne McIver (Monday, 26 November 2012 21:48)
Excellent, love the colour, the pace of change. I like the flow chart scene where you introduce the girl over his shoulder and the way you focus on his expression afterwards. Really good!
frank (Thursday, 29 November 2012 12:24)
love the story line,clear and understandable well done,love it
Helen (Friday, 30 November 2012 22:15)
Nicely trimmed down and sound much improved. I love this version, and it would be brilliant to see a contribution from Liverpool making it into the final edit... Good Luck!
Shaun Bond (Saturday, 01 December 2012 19:45)
Thanks for the feedback and comments everyone. It's been a joy!
Anil Rao (Saturday, 15 December 2012 20:34)
Hi Shaun, and now... run away... LOL.
I finally got to this, very happy to say I enjoyed it very much and the likeable aspect of your actor brings it the tone required to pull off the humour and stay with him. We want to see him win.
I enjoyed both cuts and also knew where I would cut, as others have mentioned. You could still make it shorter, I would lose the title at the start and just let it play saying what he says. I did feel when the card was put down for him to sign, that it was Shelia and not another person, mainly because she was not at the desk behind him.
A short, sharp piece that did exactly what it was supposed to and entertained.
Good solid work mate, well done :-)
Best wishes
Anil
Shaun Bond (Monday, 17 December 2012 01:15)
Thanks Anil, appreciate the comment!
Appreciate the feedback you offer too. Although I wouldn't want to be making changes to it this late in the competition I would certainly look to try out anyone's offered suggestions and, should they truly make it a better piece, keep them for my final cut and future viewings.
All the best in the competition!
Amy Prosser (Tuesday, 01 October 2013 07:06)
simply amazing, very creative and as most said, short but sweet.