'The Moment' by New Granary Productions

(London, UK) Second Edit

New Granary Productions comprises of a group of five actors currently in training at Drama Centre London - each of whom have starred, directed as well as produced 5 separate shorts for the 50 Kisses project. 

Read 'The Moment' HERE

Second Cut Comments... have YOUR say!

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Comments: 0

'The Moment' by New Granary Productions

(London, UK) First Edit

First cut: Producers notes for the filmmakers

  • Trim a little
  • We like the perfromance and dynamics
Comments: 10 (Discussion closed)
  • #1

    Anon (Thursday, 08 November 2012 13:44)

    In recognising the fact that THE MOMENT was the most popular choice, I have been more than eager to see them all. The still above sold me as soon as I saw it come up on vimeo, I even felt this has to be the moment of all the moments, unfortunately I was wrong.

    It does break my heart to say this, but this piece has so many problems, the overall one being awkward and static and the stop start nature of sound is really frustrating and makes me switch off from being involved. The acting is not convincing and inconsistent, timing is all over the place. I never engage the so called Moment, as there is no reference to it, the guy walks in and just kinda demands there was one, in fact I feel sorry for the cliched Hollywood extra acting the assassin gives, the cinematography also has issues, focussing seems to be off or trying to hard. In a nutshell I was let down by a film whose sole image above delivered upon me the opposite. So you had me, then you let me down.

    Ok, that was the problems, so now for the solution. You can get to the point quicker, this needs to be snappy based on the visual information in your film. Don't give me time to wander in your story, re-empasise if you can the 'moment', that would then have us understand why he has to think quickly to save himself, which I felt the other films also missed out on, as comedy seemed to be driving them not actuality. I really liked the fact that you are not being directed by the writer, which seems to be the problem for many of the 50 Kisses entries so far, being held hostage by the script, even if the script is not working. I too felt that overall, one had to die and you made the right choice, with a gun at your head, you have to think fast, so well done for elevating the story in your film. SOUND SOUND SOUND! Please direct the sound as you would the visuals, because this us really hurting you. Try layering the dialogue as overlaps so you can be tighter with what you see, not just waiting for the next voice to speak before you cut.

    If he is a killer, he should be uncorruptible, not toing and froing, he is being outsmarted by the other guy right, so our empathy must be toward how the victim is going to get out of this.

    This is not good as it is, but you can make it great with some consideration to what I have said, your choice to be more dramatic and the end is in your favour, some close ups too as we get to the point will help as well.

    Hope this all helped, if we are to learn here, then the point is to be the best we can. To better our game. I look forward to see what you can do.


  • #2

    Mark (Thursday, 08 November 2012 22:18)

    There was a pause when they firs met that was to long.
    At first I thought the gunman was to young until he started to speak in a cool confident calculating tone. It would be nice to get the gunman saying something as soon as he's introduced.
    I've never been a fan of handheld and I think your use of it when they are still and the atmosphere is tense weakens it.
    You've changed the story so that the victim is feeding him a line and asking the gun man to prove he's not gay. This becomes apparent when the victim kills him. This is irrestistably annoying to the gunman and to prove he isn't he kisses him. Your gunmans kiss is too passionate and needs to be abrupt and quick to prove the gunmans point.
    Good acting and nice cinematography and grade.

  • #3

    Stephen Cooper (Friday, 09 November 2012 07:45)

    Felt that the editing needed a lot of work. You cut on each line of dialogue with no overlap and it feels very jolted. You could do with breaking this up with a few wide shots if you have them. Would suggest playing around with the sound mix a to. Don't think the shot when he looks him up and down works at all, would personally get rid of that.

    Personally not a fan of the ending. Don't think the change works as it doesn't fit with the story but its your take on it so my only suggestion ther would be to make it a bigger moment. Feel the hit man could be more heart broken.

  • #4

    Shaun Bond (Friday, 09 November 2012 12:46)

    On the one hand, when reading the script, I never felt the 'hit' was gay man. I felt more that it was someone who was trying desperately to get out of a bad situation by side stepping the hitman. The ending does play on this and could work well, but shots such as where the 'hit' looks the hitman up and down leaves me feeling a little cheated. I would, personally, suggest cutting that short shot out.

  • #5

    50kisses (Sunday, 11 November 2012 13:36)

    Please no anon comments, they will be deleted

  • #6

    Alison (Sunday, 11 November 2012 21:48)

    I really enjoyed this short. I think the camera's brief glance toward the crotch should linger a bit more...

  • #7

    Yvonne Millar (Sunday, 11 November 2012 23:40)

    This one definately has the edge for me, there was nothing other than these two guys to be focusing on, it was believeable and polished - one critisism though, the gunman was obviously the good-looking charmer (possibly a future bond) ? his choice of love interest should have been easier on the eye.

  • #8

    James K (Wednesday, 14 November 2012 16:06)

    Wow what a load of picky comments!! I dont think this is perfect but jeez its good and you dont make yourself look clever by being so negative, especially when you are anonymous!

  • #9

    Ryan (Thursday, 15 November 2012 03:41)

    The reverse hit interpretation of the script was a really interesting choice and made this version of The Moment stand out. However, the romance should have died once the reverse hit was revealed, if possible by cutting straight from "Damn" to the shot of the 'hit' exiting the apartment carrying the briefcase (with the hitman dying in the foreground). There were also obvious audio changes with each cut making every camera change a bit distracting. The emotionless demeanor of the hitman at the beginning was very compelling, but would have been aided by a quicker exchange between the two characters. The aggressive lead-in to the kiss worked well. Overall, great job!

  • #10

    TC (Monday, 03 December 2012 17:18)

    Some of your critics might know something about films but don't seem to know their tos from their toos.