'The Moment' by Sweet Home Films LLC

(California, USA) Second Edit

First Cut Comments... have YOUR say!

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Comments: 6
  • #1

    Evan (Saturday, 17 November 2012 14:43)

    Here's the second edit. I tightened up the cuts and added a little more foley. Dropped the music except top and tail. Added another wide shot of the hit. I didn't mess around with the hourglass, dolly or sequence of the ending since I wanted to see how the above changes played out.

  • #2

    Muriel LZ (Saturday, 17 November 2012 21:24)

    I watched all the different versions of "The Moment" and this is without any doubt the best entry so far.
    I love the tension between both actors who are playing their roles very well.
    Everything fits and this new version makes more sense to me.
    (The banana still cracks me up, lol !)

  • #3

    Mark (Sunday, 18 November 2012 16:53)

    I thought the actors had a good understanding of the dialogue.I liked the way the victim was smugly in control and it made sense that the hitman needed to prove he was. Everything else seemed fine. There are a lot of moment films though so fingers crossed for you. Well done!

  • #4

    Staré (Sunday, 02 December 2012 22:17)

    Nice one. I loved the shots, camera angles. Acting is also good. It looks very professional as well. Only thing would be about the hitman..for some reason he looks very naive to be a hitman. Congratulations..any other films you made? loved to watch them as well.

  • #5

    Evan (Tuesday, 04 December 2012 17:36)

    Thanks Stare. We also made a version of Smasheroo and Romantic Hideaway.

  • #6

    Richtsje (Sunday, 06 January 2013 10:59)

    Haven't seen any other versions, but I think it's great what the actors did and how it was directed. Short indeed but all fits. Thanks!

'The Moment' by Sweet Home Films LLC

(California, USA) First Edit

Producer Kerry Marlowe and Director Evan Marlowe are married filmmakers in Southern California. Music by Michael Daniel. Starring Don Donnelley and Craig Robert Young.

Read 'The Moment' HERE

First cut: Producers notes for the filmmakers

  • A few missing sound effects
  • Not keen on music but that’s a choice

First Cut Comments... have YOUR say!

Comments: 12 (Discussion closed)
  • #1

    Adolf El Assal (Sunday, 04 November 2012 16:50)

    the best Moment short so far! I loved the tension and the acting. work a bit on your grading. and I feel that the ending is a bit too quick.

  • #2

    Evan (Sunday, 04 November 2012 17:06)

    Thanks. I put a ton of thought into this before hand. I'll have another look at the grading and ending.

  • #3

    Teri (Sunday, 04 November 2012 19:18)

    Loved it! Excellent work.

    Since you need to cut down the time, I think you could take out the hourglass shots. In my opinion, they weren't necessary and you'd save a lot of time by removing them. Also, a few of the cuts could be a bit quicker to add a bit more urgency--like when the hit asks, "so there is something between us?" and the hitman says "there's nothin'!". That could be cut a little shorter so that he's interrupting, almost.

    I disagree with Adolf, in that I don't think the ending is quick enough. Again, I'd take out the hourglass and end it a split second after the hitman delivers his last line. It's funnier that way.

    Again, most of these suggestions are for time. Overall, it's near perfect. Excellent, excellent job!

  • #4

    Shaun Bond (Sunday, 04 November 2012 20:21)

    Well paced and well acted. Plus that phallic fruit positioning at the beginning had me laughing.
    Similar to above, if you were looking to cut time without affecting it's pacing I would suggest leaving out the hourglass. I'm not fully sure as to it's purpose in the scene other than to provide a visual gag at the end and it manages to slow the beginning down a bit.
    But well done guys, I enjoyed this one.

  • #5

    Evan (Sunday, 04 November 2012 21:06)

    Ha glad you got the phallic banana. The hourglass served a couple purposes. It continued my yellow motif. It also represents a diabolical game the hitman plays, wherein he makes his targets watch their final moments before they die. Midway it provides impetus for him to hurry along his agenda.

  • #6

    Mark P (Monday, 05 November 2012 10:40)

    Hi Guys,

    Let me put my hands up and say that I am biased in favour of this one given that it stars my homeboy Craig.

    I liked it, my thoughts are as follows:

    Much as a love seeing Craigs face so close, I was wondering whether you had any wider shots. You really get a nice sense of building tension when you cut close and wide on the hitman and I think that we're missing a bit of extra emotion by seeing Craig tied to the chair and getting a sense of the ultimate vulnerability of his position.

    I'm not personally convinced that the score add all that much. The magic moment is when it drops away and we get a bit of silence, but then it comes back in again so soon. Your hitman is a great actor and I think he puts a lot of dynamism into his performance so it builds up to the shout. I think that gives the building and pace you need.

    On the fruit... it was fun but it is highly random! It takes us out of the world and make the presence of the filmmaker really evident. I'm not sure whether you have any other options, but I think it could be equally powerful if you just had the phallic fruit and veg. I'm not sure we need the whole 'cock n balls' to make the point.

    On the hourglass, I can see the point, but I'm not sure whether it's working to the full potential right now. How about if it ran out a bit sooner? Then the hitman would be about to pull the trigger, but then he kisses craig and has to admit there was a moment. For me that would give it some more tension. At the moment it feels like a very neat way to end, but doesn't really add much to the drama. I think by pushing it forward, you could really add pressure on the hitman - the sand have run out and he has to shoot, but he can't, he wants to kiss him. Then you end on 'we did have a moment'.

    Anyway, just some thoughts. As I say, I love it and would love to see it in the cinema! Best of luck guys!

  • #7

    Evan (Monday, 05 November 2012 16:31)

    Some good observations. I'll tinker with things and see how it plays. I'd also be curious to see what Chris thinks.

  • #8

    Stephen Cooper (Monday, 05 November 2012 19:59)

    I like both the performances and feel the films plays well but I think it needs some wider shots. The close-ups are all good but for me there's to many of them. Feel the occassional wide shot would add to the idea of them possibly being a couple were the single shots feel a little closed off. That said I enjoyed it and I think you done a great job with the script.

  • #9

    Evan (Monday, 05 November 2012 21:46)

    Thanks. I agree I would've liked more coverage but we just didn't have the time to shoot it. I may use the upshot earlier though the point of it is to show his dominance in the interaction, so I'm hesitant to pull that out too early.

  • #10

    Lee (Wednesday, 07 November 2012 16:08)

    Had to stop it at 1:32 because the music was annoying me

  • #11

    Kate (Sunday, 11 November 2012 22:05)

    Wasn't sold by their chemistry. I felt like this one dragged and the music was annoying. I don't know why, but this film felt self indulgent.

  • #12

    Evan (Monday, 12 November 2012 19:30)

    I'll take another look at the music and see what Team 50K thinks. I told the composer to give me "pretentious cocktail lounge music" and wanted Craig to play the target with a bit of smugness. That feeling of pretentiousness is very much built into the short since I think it's funny. I don't expect this to connect with every viewer.