'Unbearable' by Up With The Clouds

(London, UK) Second Edit

We're a team of filmmakers from around London, who filmed this on a Canon 5d and 7d. It was shot over a (long!) weekend and the music was created by our brilliant composer.

Read 'Unbearable' HERE

First Cut Comments... have YOUR say!

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Comments: 0

'Unbearable' by Up With The Clouds

(London, UK) First Edit

First cut: Producers notes for the filmmakers

  • Nice work!
  • Could be tighter, there are a number of places where we linger too much. I don’t think you need to cut any scene out, just trim everything.
  • The bear ‘kiss’ is too long for instance, the pan along the shelf at the start is also long, but may be needed for the camera gag.
  • The humans are the weakest part of the story, they pop us out of our magical reality which is so much more engaging. I suspect you can remove them much more so they remain largely unseen until the text message.
  • If you can remove ALL dialogue that would be amazing, then you could trim the humans down even more. The only way I can think of doing this is by having a text message close up on the phone, something like ‘does she know? xxx’ That’s too on the nose, but it should say massive amounts in as few words as possible. Maybe the writer can assist here?
  • Final shot of the car panning up is weak, end on the girl weeping.
  • Be brutal and try trimming every shot – do this with the music turned down or you wont be aggressive – yes I know the composer will not be happy.
Comments: 7 (Discussion closed)
  • #1

    Adolf El Assal (Sunday, 04 November 2012 15:25)

    wow! amazing! beautiful cinematography and the music is awesome. fits really well. but I felt that you could have 2 films: you either cut it at 2:04 or start it at 2:05. but it's a great job!!

  • #2

    Glyn Carter (Sunday, 04 November 2012 17:04)

    Again, such a slow start. It will be better cut to 2 mins. Dialogue is a bit on the nose (as in the others, too) - but there was one phrase where the words were indistinct but the emotions very clear, whcih was much more powerful. This approach would work well, I feel (with all the films). and would help in the editing.

  • #3

    Michael p. Spencer (Sunday, 04 November 2012 17:43)

    Just as Adolf said above, amazing shot choices and camera work. the slow moves really help generate emotion in the inanimate bears.
    Defo trim the start down where you can but otherwise, loved it!

  • #4

    Evan (Monday, 05 November 2012 02:11)

    I had the same thought as Glyn regarding the dialogue. I would've liked if it had been muffled, heard from the bears' perspective. Beautifully shot. With some trimming it'll be brilliant. I'd start the short at about the 1 minute point. The establishing stuff isn't necessary. Better to see two bears gazing at each other and then reveal the scenario. Let the audience work a little.

  • #5

    Catherine (Monday, 05 November 2012 13:10)

    I like this one overall but again it could do with a tighter beginning! It takes a long time to get into it. Also there are a lot of very dark moments where you can't actually see what is happening - can this be graded/cut? It distracts quite a bit from the story. Good music though - nice tension builder.

  • #6

    Stephen Cooper (Tuesday, 06 November 2012 00:03)

    Is a beautiuflly made emotional film. Loved it. Everyone seems to be having problems with the runtime on this script. (Every version i've seen is 5mins plus). Not sure how much you can cut without losing the beauty of it but at the moment it probably is to long.

    Also I would suggest maybe losing the dialogue. The images you've captured already tell the story so well. Not sure you need any words with it.

  • #7

    Peter Carruthers (Monday, 12 November 2012 02:02)

    Beautiful but waaay too long. Nearly all the shots can be trimmed and some could easily be cut completely. The opening is especially flabby and the general 'people looking around a shop' footage feels like a montage from a regional news report.
    I agree with others here about the dialogue, muffled could be more effective.
    Lots of shots early on of the bears looking longingly at each other. I think a lot of these can be cut, once we know they like each other it's time to move the story on.
    My favourite bit is when the couple start arguing and we see the bears hiding together away from them, made me think of scared children hiding from a row between their parents. Very touching. Really promising film, but you need to kill some babies!