A Skate Park Called Utopia by Jade Blair

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A young man and woman fall in love - 'Rebel vs Beauty', can their night of bliss defeat the myth of Heaven existing on Earth before its too late?
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Comments: 7
  • #1

    Jeremy (Saturday, 18 August 2012 23:41)

    This was too predictable and didn't feel real at all. It seemed like you were trying to be too artistic. The ending was obvious too. This is terrible. Don't quit your day job.

  • #2

    Ellyn Heeley (Sunday, 19 August 2012 20:51)

    I thought the idea of giving us what the couple wanted to happen and what actually happened made a real emotional contrast which made you end up caring for these characters. Quit your day job!

  • #3

    Ellyn Heeley (Sunday, 19 August 2012 21:07)

    Just thought, the ending reminds me of the one in the film Atonement when Bryony writes what she thought should have happened instead of what really happened. Great stuff!

  • #4

    Jack Dixon (Monday, 20 August 2012 14:30)

    I read this because I thought it would have some knowledge of skate boarding, but was really disappointed. I agree with Jeremy on it trying to be too artistic. I disagree with Ellyn, there was no reason from start to end to care once about the characters. I've already forgotten their names.

  • #5

    Marc (Monday, 20 August 2012 20:25)

    Great Piece. Really kept me glued to the story all the way through. Keep up the good work!

  • #6

    Alex Straker (Tuesday, 21 August 2012 23:03)

    A really delicately written script that manages to pack a bittersweet romance into only two pages. Nice use of voiceover, too!

  • #7

    Rachael (Thursday, 23 August 2012)

    I disagree that it was predictable. Yes, the theme has been done before - as referred to by Ellyn (Atonemonent), and then there's Sliding Doors... But isn't all art theft, when you think about it? We all get inspiration from somewhere. I enjoyed this piece, and agree that it's a nice use of voiceover. Would love to see it made, to see how it compares to the images now in my head!