Really enjoyed this but wasn't too sure if Danny should be involved in the conversation about the cat at the start - surely he'd be a little concerned if the cat was the same colour as his
girlfriend's - and maybe cutting the dialogue might make it a more subtle foreshadowing. Was also thrown by the order of emotions crossing Danny's face at the end - nit-picking I know - it might read
better if they are described in the order they come - but well done.
Rachel McAdam (Friday, 10 August 2012 22:06)
Really enjoyed this but wasn't too sure if Danny should be involved in the conversation about the cat at the start - surely he'd be a little concerned if the cat was the same colour as his girlfriend's - and maybe cutting the dialogue might make it a more subtle foreshadowing. Was also thrown by the order of emotions crossing Danny's face at the end - nit-picking I know - it might read better if they are described in the order they come - but well done.