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• #1

  Su Hoyle (Friday, 27 July 2012 04:36)

  re Love Hunter - I'm a big fan of dystopian societies, so I like this concept, and would like to see it more thoroughly developed. Maybe go a bit shorter on the monologues.

• #2

  Petre Apostol (Friday, 27 July 2012 14:57)

  Hello, there!
  I'm glad you liked it. It means I'm not insane after all with this concept :) I really want to make something better in the future with this story as a starting point. If you can help in any way, that would be extraordinary :)
  Thanks for reading it and also for your advice, much apreciated!

• #3

  Rachel McAdam (Friday, 27 July 2012 18:07)

  Liked the premise of love being out-lawed but I thought the change in the the hunter was a little forced and convienient at the end. Think you could have got away with him completing his mission - but that's just me.

• #4

  Petre Apostol (Friday, 27 July 2012 21:25)

  Maybe that change it was a little too sudden, but I wanted to show how true love can erupt into the present against our will. And how it can affect someone's heart so deeply that it changes the course of that person‘s life... in only two pages. Haven't thought about an ending like you mentioned, but it is interesting, I must say.
  Thanks for your thoughts!

• #5

  Alistair Hughes (Friday, 03 August 2012 09:48)

  Interesting idea but far too much monologue. The golden rule is to show, not tell. It would be interesting to see how you could convey the world, and Salmon's place in it, within the space saved from removing the V.O. As it stands it reads like a short story with dialogue formatting.