That was powerful stuff. Great dialogue and a shocking ending. Well done.
#2
Jaye(Saturday, 21 July 2012 17:38)
That was gripping, and so sad.
#3
Craig(Monday, 23 July 2012 00:12)
Sam wanted to come in, but Heather said no. Then Heather said she wanted to go to Sam's??? The scene when Heather comes home and walks round the house would take ages. Should put different scene for
each shot.
#4
Nigel Sheppard(Monday, 23 July 2012 17:25)
I'd recommend not using specific songs in your scripts. Great start and powerful finish, but loses it in the middle I think.
I think you could have broken up that big paragraph on page one into two so it doesn't look like a long block of text.
Also, I guess you couldn't have done this because the max is two pages but I felt the husband's reaction could have used a little build up first. It seems a little too sudden to me.
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Steven JC Johnson (Friday, 20 July 2012 19:36)
That was powerful stuff. Great dialogue and a shocking ending. Well done.
Jaye (Saturday, 21 July 2012 17:38)
That was gripping, and so sad.
Craig (Monday, 23 July 2012 00:12)
Sam wanted to come in, but Heather said no. Then Heather said she wanted to go to Sam's??? The scene when Heather comes home and walks round the house would take ages. Should put different scene for each shot.
Nigel Sheppard (Monday, 23 July 2012 17:25)
I'd recommend not using specific songs in your scripts. Great start and powerful finish, but loses it in the middle I think.
Ian (Monday, 23 July 2012 17:41)
Really emotional stuff.
I think you could have broken up that big paragraph on page one into two so it doesn't look like a long block of text.
Also, I guess you couldn't have done this because the max is two pages but I felt the husband's reaction could have used a little build up first. It seems a little too sudden to me.
Otherwise great job.