The girl in the Tutu by Al Canlin

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A clown can also be a fool for love, or a hero, but can he be a lover?
The_Girl_In_The_Tutu.pdf
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Comments: 5
  • #1

    Steven JC Johnson (Friday, 20 July 2012 21:08)

    Apart from the formatting disaster, I quite enjoyed this script. It reads as a funny little silent short. Really needs reformatting as the huge block of text is very off-putting.

  • #2

    Jaye (Saturday, 21 July 2012 18:01)

    I have to say I opened the file, saw the formatting and didn't read. Sorry.

  • #3

    Chris (Sunday, 22 July 2012 08:37)

    As has been said: massive bank of text = doesn't look like a script = big problem.

    Still, I read it. I liked the start, I liked the Old/Young clown interaction and basic goal of the story. But in the end, the whole first section with the Old clown has no bearing on the final outcome. That's a bigger problem to fix than the formatting.

    Still, good potential and plenty to work with. :)

  • #4

    Milethia (Sunday, 22 July 2012 22:16)

    You know what... I enjoyed this, despite not being formatted as a script. The relationship between the young and old clown is convincing, although the old clown's role within the piece disappears at the end - he drops out of sight. There is a clear feeling that these two clowns work together, so they must, I feel, work together to overthrow the strongman. The old clown may watch the young clown's endeavours initially, but he should become involved.

    For your information... free formatting software:

    http://celtx.com/

    I’ve never used this, but for a review of how well it works, go to: http://www.filmweavers.com/blog/template_permalink.asp?id=104

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/scriptsmart/scriptsmart_gold.shtml

    This has a free formatting tool – ScriptSmart Gold.

    http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/templates/CL102209809.aspx?tl=2#ai:TC001018636|

    A template to be used in word.

  • #5

    Nigel Sheppard (Monday, 23 July 2012 14:06)

    As above, the formatting is a NIGHTMARE to read, but actually the story was pleasant and did make me smile. I loved the idea that clowns are only happy with other clowns. I think you can do more with this. I'd recommend making the confrontation about the strongman longer and turning it into a silent short. Oh and reformat it. As it is now, no producer or director is likely to read it.