Other Peoples Kisses by Gabriella Apicella Draft 2
Draft Two Comments... have YOUR say!
Other Peoples Kisses by Gabriella Apicella Draft 1
Draft One Producers Development Notes for the author
1. Our initial note was that we felt that the first couple kissing at the bus stop didn’t need to be there. On speaking to the writer, we see that was intended to show the "other people kissing" of the title. If this is the case then perhaps this needs to be emphasized - draw out the fact that this older woman is unlikely to have the intimacy that that couple is experiencing.
Have your say, what do you think?
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#1
Such snappy dialogue and catchy prose.
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#2
This is very slick. The situation and characters are set up very well and I felt satisfied and a little proud at the end. Well done.
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#3
Really enjoyed reading this. Loved feisty Marianne. Could we see a real expression of gratitude from Sophie just before she offers Marianne the fag, this could’ve turned really ugly and she knows it. Would it help to give Nick a group of mates, part of the reason he’s hitting on Sophie being to impress them. Then he’s really shown up when Marianne steps in. And I don’t want to see him hailing a taxi, I want to see him getting knocked down by one! Great stuff.
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#4
Like many of the scripts in the 50 the kiss is to incidental for a competition and film called 50 kisses. I had to read it twice to fine it.
I got lost when the bus pulls up? You've put "A bus pulls up, and people get on including the young man and woman." Then Sophie sits near to Marianne." Where did Sophie come from?
Maybe you should say every one gets on apart from Marianne and Sophie gets off. Would make Sophie more vulnerable and lose the bystanders.
Will work well but the kiss is a big issue for me. Maybe when Nick asks for a kiss Marianne give him one. He would hate that. -
#5
great use of dialogue and so good to see an older woman capable of resolving an awkward situation rather than being presented as a victim.
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#6
This is a great little script, except I feel it would be more satisfying if something happened to Nick at the end. The first thought I had is that perhaps Marianne also uses a walking stick. So at the end; Nick calls them whores, which pisses Marianne off even more, then as he turns to walk off and hail the cab, Marianne trips him with her stick so he falls and hits something (a lamp post, the bus stop sign, the side of the taxi, etc.) knocking him out. Then Sophie offers her the cigarette.
Write a comment
Gabriella Apicella (Monday, 17 September 2012 08:24)
Happy to hear from any filmmakers making this piece. Please give me a yell if you'd like to discuss changes / redrafts etc.
Many thanks for your support, Gabriella
yeemail (Wednesday, 19 September 2012 03:11)
Hi Gabriella, I've been thinking a lot about your script... are you up for adding a wimpy boyfriend to Sophie and reworking Marianne to have a bit of Martial Arts spin?
Gabriella Apicella (Wednesday, 19 September 2012 10:30)
Ha ha! I've emailed you direct :-)